Dreams....

I was in my old house. One that I lived in for about 9 years but that I just moved out of roughly 7 months ago. Cripes. I could still tell you where we kept everything; what was in each drawer in the kitchen, etc.

So, I walk in the front door only to find that I've left a lot of my stuff there. I see a lot of my Mum's clothes are there. My new pal Daphne is there with me, for some reason, and I ask her if there was any smell of cat pee left in the house (I very stupidly did not have my male cat neutered when he was young and paid for it severely. He wasn't an outdoor cat so, his reproductive potential wasn't an issue.... until the smell came.) Anyhow, she answered that no, there was only a slight hint of it now. I kept thinking I had to get that stuff out of there but didn't know how I was going to manage it because I hadn't brought my boyfriend's pick-up truck.

Though I guess it could be viewed that this is a negative dream, I'm thinking that it was rather a positive one. Firstly, this is the first dream I've had about that place where I really have already moved-out. In every other dream I've had about that place since moving, I still live there in some capacity or another. Also, I felt some closure because I ALWAYS felt really bad about the cat pee thing! (I learned guilt well and at a young age.) As I said, I see this as a positive turn because it would seem to me that my mind has now accepted that I no longer live there; that the home I reside in now with my boyfriend is not temporary or transitory. The acceptance now is deep enough to reside in my subconscious. I may not have remembered to take all of my stuff with me so, there may be some issues left to resolve but I myself, recocgnize that I no longer live there. Like I said, I think that's a positive step.

The only thing that concerns me is the fact that my mum's stuff was there. I remember wondering how on earth I could have left my mum's stuff there! I remember looking at some of the clothes and thinking well, what am I going to do with that? Maybe I should leave it here. But then there were videos and photos of my family that I found tucked-away in a closet and again I thought, how could I have left these here?

Who knows. Maybe now as I recognize that I've physically left that place, maybe I can begin to extract the mental and emotional remnants too.